Linda and Kathryn Huxtable's Wedding
Linda and Kathryn Huxtable's Wedding
March 14, 1992 - June 30, 1998
In thanksgiving for the love we have had
to honor the love we have now
in celebration of our love yet to be
we, Linda Lee Huxtable
and Kathryn Ann Huxtable
invite you to join us in a ceremony
on Saturday, the fourteenth of March,
nineteen hundred and ninety two
at two-thirty o'clock
in our home in Overland Park.
Reception immediately following the ceremony
In our home.
(At the closing of the song we walk in from opposite sides of the room carrying white candles in crystal bases. We set the candles at each end of the floral arrangement on the altar. We stand at each side of altar.)
When we decided to have this ceremony, almost immediately we discovered we didn't know what to call it. "Holy union," the term used by the Metropolitan Community Church, like "wedding", conjured up pictures of church, a minister, and other things we weren't planning on including in our ceremony. "Ceremony of commitment" seemed fine in some ways, and typical of the detached way Unitarian Universalists discuss affairs of the heart, (laughter) but we felt like we'd already made our commitment to each other. "Tryst" and "handfasting," used in some pagan traditions, sounded nice but we didn't feel a lot of emotional connection to the words. "Celebration of love," which we made up, said more or less what we wanted to say, but sounded terribly hokey.
What we discovered, during the months we've been discussing and planning this, is that sometimes we call it a ceremony, sometimes we call it The Big Event, and sometimes we call it a wedding. Whatever we call it, we're glad you're here with us today as we praise the love we have had, as we honor the love we have now, and as we celebrate our love yet to be.
Carol will now read a few words about lesbian unions.
(We move back from the altar and Carol stands to face the audience.)
When Linda and Kathryn were researching for this ceremony they found this account of women's unions. It really touched them and they wanted to share it with you. (or words to that effect. Carol then reads from a history of lesbian unions.)
(Carol sits down.)
(We move in to altar again and face the audience.)
I once wrote a poem in which I tried to capture something of my feelings for and about Kathryn. In that poem I described how I would like to sculpt something, or write music, or use some other skill to craft something. I wanted, I still want, to make something beautiful, something I can point to with pride, something tangible to reflect and symbolise our love in a way that other people can perceive. I want to make a sculpture or painting that I can place in a museum for admiring eyes to see. I want to write music that brings gladness to the heart. I want to make something one can hold, something that has texture and weight.
But I don't have the skill to paint, or sculpt, or write music. At least, I haven't sufficient skill to create something that comes close to evoking in my imagined audience what it is I feel about Kathryn. I haven't sufficient skill to create some tangible work of art which seems to me to accurately amd beautifully reflect our love.
What I do have is the skill, the craft, of loving Kathryn.
Today I affirm that what exists between us is as real as a statue or a song, just as worthy of admiration as any other work of art, due the same respect we would give the craftsman's work of head and heart and hands. Today I affirm that what exists between us brings something good, something of value, to the world. Today I affirm that our everyday acts of kindness and courage and honesty are a true and beautiful reflection of our love. Indeed these acts, this relationship, may be our love. We re-create our love with each word and touch, every hour of every day.
What we have is a gift. I hope that it is not a rare gift, although like every lover I believe that this gift is unique. I treasure this gift, whether it is rare or common, as a thing of beauty, pride, and glory in my life. And today I celebrate with you my joy that I love Kathryn.
Linda spoke of lovers believing their gift of love to be unique. I believe that love is unique not only from lover to lover but also from moment to moment. We grow and change and our love also grows and changes along with us.
Our growth together and individually has allowed our love to grow and ripen, bringing forth new fruits and flowers from day to day.
Often I don't think about our relationship although I'm immersed within it. Then all of a sudden I look at Linda and I'm in love again. Sometimes I feel like I just keep falling in love with her over and over again.
I hope we never stop growing and changing with each other.
Judy will now read a selection from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.
(We move back. Judy stands and faces audience.)
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
But let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
Though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
(At this time, Judy was supposed to ask for blessing from the audience. She forgot, so we transposed the blessings and our sharing food and drink.)
(We move to the front of the altar.)
Linda, I give you this food and drink as a symbol of my caring and nurturing for you.
May you never hunger. (Giving Linda a small dish of food)
Kathryn, I give you this food and drink as a symbol of my caring and nurturing for you.
May you never hunger. (Giving Kathryn a small dish of food)
May you never thirst. (Giving Linda a cup of wine)
May you never thirst. (Giving Kathryn a cup of wine)
We'll talk....
(We move back and Judy stands.)
At this time you may, if you wish, stand and speak a few words of blessing or affirmation for Linda and Kathryn.
I tried to think of something cute to say and couldn't, but....these two people were made for each other and I've known it a long time. And you have my blessings and you can take that from whatever direction you like.
I wish you both happiness.
I feel honored to be here, because although I've known Linda from work for several years we just recently had the opportunity to meet her and Kathryn when they came to visit our family last January. I wish them joy and happiness with all my heart.
I respect your honesty and courage in having this ceremony and I wish you both happiness.
Well, I have kind of a jaded attitude towards relationships in general, but watching these two and their love for one another and for me has given me new appreciation for relationships and they have a fine relationship.
Would anyone else like to speak a few words?
(We move to either side of the altar, facing each other.)
(We move to the front of the altar, facing each other.)
Kathryn, I promise to love you,
And to honor our love even when I fear other's disapproval.
I promise to remain honest and faithful to you,
To be available for you when you are in pain or in grief,
And when you are filled with happiness.
I promise to challenge you always,
To support and nurture you,
And to be receptive to the gift of your love.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment.
(Puts ring on Kathryn's finger)
Linda, I promise to love you,
And to honor our love even when I fear other's disapproval.
I promise to remain honest and faithful to you,
To be available for you when you are in pain or in grief,
And when you are filled with happiness.
I promise to challenge you always,
To support and nurture you,
And to be receptive to the gift of your love.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment.
(Puts ring on Linda's finger)
(Linda and Kathryn kiss, then walk hand in hand to the left of the altar)
(M.K. stands and faces the audience.)
We are here today because Linda and Kathryn have asked us to bear witness to their love. We are here to name this love, to acknowledge and respect it.
We have also gathered today as a symbol of Linda and Kathryn's commitment and willingness to continue creating their life together. We ask that they be blessed with the wisdom to find the path upon which they both may travel, the courage to overcome any obstacles that may lie along the way, and clear vision to keep sight of the grace which surrounds them.
We pray that they may continue to create this love, one that is clearly and truly a reflection of the infinite love which embraces us all.
(We move into the next room and form a receiving line.)
(We have a great reception and later about fifteen of us go to the Holly Near concert.
Holly announces our relationship to an audience of hundreds of dykes, points out that we played one of her songs and wishes us a happy life together.)
Postscript, June 30, 1998: Sic Transit Gloria Mundi.
Contact kathryn@kathrynhuxtable.org with questions or comments about this page.
The current URL is http://www.kathrynhuxtable.org/wedding/index.shtml
This file was modified Wednesday, 15-Dec-2004 12:59:51 PST
© 1996, 1998, 1999, 2002, 2003 Kathryn Huxtable — Credits and Disclaimer
